By: An Anonymous European In-Charge Flight Attendant
Alright, buckle up, folks. It’s time for some honest, no-nonsense truth from the front lines of the friendly skies. I’m a senior flight attendant at a well-known European airline, and while I absolutely adore my job (mostly), there’s a side of air travel most of you have no idea about. I see humanity at its best—and at its absolute worst—35,000 feet above the ground. So, for all you frequent flyers, occasional vacationers, and you “only fly once a year but still make everyone miserable” types, here’s what you really need to know about what happens on a plane.
The Seven Deadly Sins of Passengers
Here are the golden rules of how NOT to be that passenger. We’re talking cardinal sins that make flight attendants want to quietly slip into the cargo hold.
1. Bare Feet Everywhere
Let’s get this one out of the way. Feet. Feet everywhere. No, I don’t want to see your toes wiggling in row 12. Yes, your toenails are horrifying. And no, the airplane floor is not “clean.” People let their kids crawl on it, and if I had a dollar for every “accident” we clean up, I’d retire to a private island by now. Pro tip: Wear shoes at all times. We’ll all breathe a little easier (literally).
2. The Mile-High Trash Heap
Do you live like this at home? I’m constantly amazed by the passengers who hand me empty cups, wrappers, and tissues within the first 15 minutes of the flight as if I’m a mobile trash can. Here’s a secret: The seatback pocket is not, I repeat, not your personal dumpster. Keep your trash with you and wait for us to come by with the bag. If you throw anything disgusting in there (a used diaper, REALLY?), expect our judgmental side-eye.
3. The Armrest Hog
Every flight has that one armrest hog who thinks their elbows deserve to sprawl across three seats. You’re not entitled to more space than the person next to you. Play nice or prepare to have someone “accidentally” knock your drink every time they shift in their seat. The middle seat deserves both armrests; that’s just the natural order of things.
4. Bathroom Bombers
We know what you did in there, and no, we won’t forget. In fact, we’ll talk about it in the galley. I’ve seen people turn an aircraft lavatory into a biohazard zone within 20 seconds of the seatbelt sign going off. Please, please, for the love of tiny spaces everywhere, try to keep things clean and quick. Also, if you need extra toilet paper, don’t act like it’s some covert mission. We’d rather help you than clean up the aftermath.
5. Aggressive Recliners
The seat reclining debate rages on, and I get it: some flights are long and uncomfortable. But the one-hour flight from Berlin to Amsterdam? No, Karen, you don’t need to recline the entire way back. Let’s all be civil and use a little common sense. The space is tight enough as it is, so unless you’re on an overnight, maybe think twice before sending the person behind you into yoga-level contortions.
6. Unreasonable Demands
“I’ll take a gin and tonic, two extra blankets, and do you have gluten-free, vegan, non-GMO snacks?” Look, we try to accommodate, but if you’re expecting Michelin-star service, you’re in the wrong place. We’re working with limited space and even more limited patience by hour five. Be polite, keep requests realistic, and understand we’re not equipped to cater to every whim. You’ll get what we have, and please don’t treat the call button like your personal concierge line.
7. The Overhead Bin Wrestler
You’ve seen them—those folks trying to shove their entire life into the overhead bin. Let me save you some trouble: If it doesn’t fit, don’t force it. When you attempt to cram oversized bags in there, it not only causes delays, but it also creates a suitcase avalanche hazard for the poor souls seated below. Check the bag or buy a smaller carry-on, and save everyone a lot of hassle.
Insider Tips from the Pros: How Flight Attendants Really Travel
Now that I’ve vented, let’s get to the good stuff. Here’s how the pros make the most of travel. Take these tips, and maybe one day, you’ll be able to fly like an elite traveler (or at least not make us hate you).
1. Be Strategic About Flight Times
We know the best flights aren’t always the cheapest. If you can, avoid the dreaded red-eyes or early-morning flights. Flying midday means less crowding, shorter security lines, and (hallelujah) fewer screaming children.
2. Pre-Hydrate and Avoid Airplane Water
Here’s the tea (or lack thereof): Unless it’s served from a sealed bottle, avoid the water on planes. Most airlines’ water tanks don’t get cleaned as often as you’d hope. Bring your own water and drink it liberally. Air travel is dehydrating, so chug some H2O pre-flight and avoid the headache.
3. Bring Snacks Like a Pro
Airplane food isn’t exactly gourmet, and on many flights, it’s nonexistent. I’ve seen savvy travelers pack high-protein snacks, like nuts and jerky, to keep their energy up. Avoid anything smelly (seriously, no tuna sandwiches!), and you’ll be a hero to those around you.
4. Invest in Noise-Canceling Headphones
The biggest lifesaver in a flight attendant’s arsenal? Noise-canceling headphones. Babies cry, engines hum, and Karen from 14B might be a loud talker. Block out the world, tune into your happy place, and thank us later.
5. Get Friendly with Your FA (Flight Attendant)
No, I’m not talking about bribery, though the occasional box of chocolates might win you a little favor. But a smile and a “thank you” go a long way. We remember passengers who are kind and treat us like actual human beings. Those are the people who get that extra blanket or the last Diet Coke.
6. Skip the In-Flight Movies
Pro tip: They’re often censored, low-resolution, and… let’s face it, not that great. Instead, load up your own device with your favorite shows and movies. You’ll have a better selection and avoid squinting at the screens from the Stone Age that some airlines still use.
7. Know When to Use the Bathroom
One golden rule: Right before the meal service or right after takeoff are golden bathroom moments. Trust me, you don’t want to get stuck waiting in line after they’ve started rolling the cart, or worse, while your seatmate is enjoying their tray of food.
Final Thought: The Golden Rule of Flying
Here’s the truth: Flying is exhausting for everyone involved. Flight attendants work 10, 12, sometimes 14-hour shifts. Passengers, on the other hand, are crammed into a metal tube at 35,000 feet, stressed and just trying to get where they’re going. So let’s make a deal—don’t be that person. Keep your shoes on, stay polite, pack light, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll even smile at you as you disembark.
Oh, and to the man who brought a full lasagna and garlic bread on my flight last week? You owe me an apology.
